Q. Why should I buy your product?
A. Let me answer your question with a question: Why not? You know it’s better than the 99p pile of wank that you were going to get, that’s scanned over briefly and opened with baited breath in hopes it contains money. (which it more than likely won’t you tight bastard.) It’ll only get thrown in the bin when you turn your back. So why not instead give them something a little more unexpected and insulting?
Q. How much does it cost?
A. £2.99 per card and 99p Royal Mail first class right to your fucking door, anywhere in the UK.
Q. What’s written inside the cards?
A. We leave that part to you, a blank canvas for your own, more personal insults.
Q. This content offends me.
A. That isn’t a question you fucking piece of shit. If you get offended that easily heres a suggestion: get off the internet because you won’t like it here.
Q. Do you take requests?
A. Not as such, printing single & unique cards would cost a bomb. However if you have a good idea or a design for a card and you think it’s sick enough for the likes of us and the belligerent cunts that shop here then feel free to drop us an email. If we think it’s fucking glorious we may just add it to our collection, as well as sending one to your house, on the house.
Q. Do you sell any cards that aren’t quite as rude as the ones shown?
A. Hahaha! Haha… Heh, oh wait, you’re serious?
What you see is what you get.
Q. My friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/family member/teacher/distant relative/family pet were deeply offended by the card I sent them and have disowned me, it’s all your fault!
A. Let’s be honest Jim, can I call you Jim? The person in question is—let’s face it—a whiney little bitch and is not worthy of your card or your friendship so fuck ’em.
Q. I purchased a card of yours and gave it to my three year old niece for her birthday, my entire family are now disgusted with me, what do?
A. My fucking hero. Just carry on being the magnificent bastard that you are.